Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy
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- Create Date：2022-02-26 07:51:43
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Whitney Goodman
- ISBN：0593418271
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Summary
A powerful guide to owning our emotions--even the difficult ones--in order to show up authentically in the world， from the popular therapist behind the Instagram account @sitwithwhit。
Every day， we're bombarded with pressure to be positive。 From "good vibes only" and "life is good" memes， to endless advice， to "look on the bright side，" we're constantly told that the key to happiness is silencing negativity wherever it crops up， in ourselves and in others。 Even when faced with illness， loss， breakups， and other challenges， there's little space for talking about our real feelings--and processing them so that we can feel better and move forward。
But if all this positivity is the answer， why are so many of us anxious， depressed， and burned out？
In this refreshingly honest guide， sought-after therapist Whitney Goodman shares the latest research along with everyday examples and client stories that reveal how damaging toxic positivity is to ourselves and our relationships， and presents simple ways to experience and work through difficult emotions。 The result is more authenticity， connection， and growth--and ultimately， a path to showing up as you truly are。
Every day， we're bombarded with pressure to be positive。 From "good vibes only" and "life is good" memes， to endless advice， to "look on the bright side，" we're constantly told that the key to happiness is silencing negativity wherever it crops up， in ourselves and in others。 Even when faced with illness， loss， breakups， and other challenges， there's little space for talking about our real feelings--and processing them so that we can feel better and move forward。
But if all this positivity is the answer， why are so many of us anxious， depressed， and burned out？
In this refreshingly honest guide， sought-after therapist Whitney Goodman shares the latest research along with everyday examples and client stories that reveal how damaging toxic positivity is to ourselves and our relationships， and presents simple ways to experience and work through difficult emotions。 The result is more authenticity， connection， and growth--and ultimately， a path to showing up as you truly are。
Reviews
Donna
，
There is value in this book and confronting the constant pursuit for happiness。 The examples and lists are very straightforward， not too much jargon。 This is something Christians know - the goal of life is not doing what makes you happy or pursuing what makes you happy but living by the principles set forth by God， living for something bigger than yourself and being content with the bad and the good that comes。 Though this is not a religious look at the topic it is gratifying to see the same con There is value in this book and confronting the constant pursuit for happiness。 The examples and lists are very straightforward， not too much jargon。 This is something Christians know - the goal of life is not doing what makes you happy or pursuing what makes you happy but living by the principles set forth by God， living for something bigger than yourself and being content with the bad and the good that comes。 Though this is not a religious look at the topic it is gratifying to see the same conclusion。 。。。more
Linda
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Three and a half stars。I was thrilled when I stumbled upon this title。 The only other book on this topic I've ever found is Barbara Ehrenreich's Bright Sided， which I loved。 Aside from finding the happy-all-the-damn-time crowd to be annoying as hell， the only information I need to brand positivity as snake oil is that its great-granddaddy is Calvinism。The author sneaks in some stealth therapy tips。 I wasn't reading for those。 I was reading for confirmation that those “no negativity， please，” bli Three and a half stars。I was thrilled when I stumbled upon this title。 The only other book on this topic I've ever found is Barbara Ehrenreich's Bright Sided， which I loved。 Aside from finding the happy-all-the-damn-time crowd to be annoying as hell， the only information I need to brand positivity as snake oil is that its great-granddaddy is Calvinism。The author sneaks in some stealth therapy tips。 I wasn't reading for those。 I was reading for confirmation that those “no negativity， please，” blinded-by-the-bright-side people are frequently as toxic as they accuse the realists among us of being。 。。。more
Leanne
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I've been seeking happiness and trying to avoid pain my whole life。 And I've never achieved it because I am human。 This led to shame for my inability to "be normal"。 I can't speak for everyone but as a white， middle class， heterosexual woman: positivity has been pushed on me for as long as I can remember。 But there is a difference between being grateful and toxic positivity。 If you've ever felt invalidated for experiencing a negative emotion， I encourage you to read this book。 It will open your I've been seeking happiness and trying to avoid pain my whole life。 And I've never achieved it because I am human。 This led to shame for my inability to "be normal"。 I can't speak for everyone but as a white， middle class， heterosexual woman: positivity has been pushed on me for as long as I can remember。 But there is a difference between being grateful and toxic positivity。 If you've ever felt invalidated for experiencing a negative emotion， I encourage you to read this book。 It will open your eyes to neutrality and may even make you happier in the end。 Weird how it worked out that way， right？ 。。。more
Mandy
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4。5 stars rounded upIt’s the book I didn’t realize I needed to read。 While at times it got a little repetitive， her words helped to normalize a lot of my own struggles and hammer home the message: There’s a lot of pressure to always be happy， “good vibes only，” and not share the difficult emotions。 Anger and sadness are not “negative” - they’re real， and denying that or shaming someone for those feelings creates a lot of inner guilt， anxiety， or depression。There’s a difference between toxic posi 4。5 stars rounded upIt’s the book I didn’t realize I needed to read。 While at times it got a little repetitive， her words helped to normalize a lot of my own struggles and hammer home the message: There’s a lot of pressure to always be happy， “good vibes only，” and not share the difficult emotions。 Anger and sadness are not “negative” - they’re real， and denying that or shaming someone for those feelings creates a lot of inner guilt， anxiety， or depression。There’s a difference between toxic positivity and healthy positivity - “Positivity isn’t toxic， it becomes toxic。” When we tell someone they shouldn’t feel a certain way or to just “be happy” or “be grateful” we’re telling them what they’re feeling is wrong。 Which can cause that person to feel disconnected or alienated。This book is broken up into nine chapters filled with some of her clients stories and how toxic positivity affected them; times when positivity doesn’t help and how to actually be there for someone （what to say instead）; a deeper dive into complaining; and helpful reminders on being human。When we allow the difficult emotions and find those people in our lives we can trust to talk about them with， we find stronger connections and authenticity。 ”It’s OK to express your emotions; it’s what makes you human。””Feeling depressed or anxious is hard。 Pretending that you’re not is much harder。” 。。。more
Amanda Wagner
，
Wow， I didn’t realize how much I needed this book until I read it！ If you are going through a tough time due to health reasons， like I currently am， or really any other reason， you will definitely find this book helpful。 It not only resonated with me， but has given me so many tools on how to communicate how I’ve been feeling with others， how to respond in a helpful way to people in tough situations in general （i。e。 job loss， breakups） & how to respond to platitudes/silver linings/etc。 It’s a qui Wow， I didn’t realize how much I needed this book until I read it！ If you are going through a tough time due to health reasons， like I currently am， or really any other reason， you will definitely find this book helpful。 It not only resonated with me， but has given me so many tools on how to communicate how I’ve been feeling with others， how to respond in a helpful way to people in tough situations in general （i。e。 job loss， breakups） & how to respond to platitudes/silver linings/etc。 It’s a quick read & I know I will return to it time & time again in the future。 I highly recommend！ 。。。more
Emily St。 Amant
，
It’s rare indeed to come across a book and a message that that’s simultaneously desperately needed and on point- at the time it’s needed the most。 This is one of those instances。 If I could buy a copy for everyone I know， I absolutely would。 This is a great summary for people who are either new to the idea of toxic positivity or have been annoyed by it and researching it a while， which is a feat in and of itself。 Toxic positivity is not positivity。 It is denial， invalidation， and sometimes malic It’s rare indeed to come across a book and a message that that’s simultaneously desperately needed and on point- at the time it’s needed the most。 This is one of those instances。 If I could buy a copy for everyone I know， I absolutely would。 This is a great summary for people who are either new to the idea of toxic positivity or have been annoyed by it and researching it a while， which is a feat in and of itself。 Toxic positivity is not positivity。 It is denial， invalidation， and sometimes malice， dressed up with a happy mask。 The origins of toxic positivity are rooted in straight-up magical thinking and oppression。 It’s underlying assertions are aligned with the values of all the isms- particularly racism， misogyny， ableism， and classism。 In its most sordid form it has been used to justify atrocities。 It’s also used to back-handedly blame people who experience physical and mental health conditions， abuse and violence， and systemic oppression and marginalization as the creators of their own suffering。 It redirects blame on those who are in fact victims or lack control over their health status， to further harm people already struggling and suffering。 It’s infiltrated our lives by influencing legislative policy， it’s commodification through the international wellness complex valued at trillions of dollars， our spirituality and religious practices， healthcare- yes， the mental health professions too， and causes disconnection in our relationships with ourselves and others。 Want to learn how to start deprogramming yourself and live a real and meaningful life？ Are you tired of chasing your tail trying to constantly grind and improve yourself， but can’t stop striving and blaming yourself because nothing seems to actually make you happy or “successful？” Curious as to how you can start really be kind to yourself and meaningfully support those around you？ This is a fantastic resource for that and more。Something this book validated for me is the guilt I carry from the first couple of years as a therapist & how reflecting back I really wish I could apologize to the clients I may have harmed， even if I was sincere in my efforts to help in the best ways I knew how。 Ableism and toxic positivity are especially harmful coming from someone who should be a safe place where you get legit help and affirmation。 My work in continuing education for therapists is fueled in part by that sense of needing to make amends somehow， and hoping I can help others avoid some of my own mistakes。 。。。more
Michelle
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Its ok to to think things aren’t great or going great or won’t be great。 Really。 Its ok。 That’s all that needs to be said。
Aisha N。 Al-Neama
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3。5
Heather
，
Good info。 I feel guilty of doing the wrong things。 I do believe we all need to allowed to feel all of the feelings and not tuck them away in a dark corner。
Krista | theliterateporcupine
，
I tend to stay away from the self-help genre because it annoys me。 This book， however， is completely different and I felt "heard" as I read it。 As someone who was/still is obsessed with Pinterest， it's inevitable to come across all those flowy， pastel colored positive quotes。 I wouldn't call myself a full blown pessimist， but I'm definitely a realist and looking at the "but something bad could happen" side of things。 Fake optimism is obnoxious， but constantly stuffed down our throats。 In college I tend to stay away from the self-help genre because it annoys me。 This book， however， is completely different and I felt "heard" as I read it。 As someone who was/still is obsessed with Pinterest， it's inevitable to come across all those flowy， pastel colored positive quotes。 I wouldn't call myself a full blown pessimist， but I'm definitely a realist and looking at the "but something bad could happen" side of things。 Fake optimism is obnoxious， but constantly stuffed down our throats。 In college， there was a lot of toxic positivity masquerading as group activities， girl talks， and floor decorations。 While there is nothing wrong with supporting each other， these groups focused so much on uplifting each other with positive vibes and optimistic mantras that they left the ones who actually needed support in the dust。 If you didn't go to these meetings or feel your dormmates' support， you were ignored because you might drag down the mood with your realism。 This book doesn't bash being positive， on the contrary， it states that being happy and positive is a very good thing。 Optimism is excellent。。。 in the right setting， but highly inappropriate in others。 One of the author's many points that stood out to me was using positive sayings to shut down conversations that are awkward for the listener。 This is very common， from telling people "things could always be worse" when they lost their job to saying "it's easy to get pregnant， you'll have another one soon" to couples experiencing miscarriages。 Even if this situation is uncomfortable to the listener， there are things to say and do to be more supportive and not belittle another person's suffering （e。g。 cooking a meal for them， explaining you feel uncomfortable talking about it with them and suggest someone who is a better listener）。Approachable， Realistic， with Attainable goals， this is definitely worth the read for all the doubters （like I was）。This is my first 5 star read for the year！ It's about time。 。。。more
Danielle
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As someone who has been in deep in the world of toxic positivity in the past， this book is a breath of fresh air。 I've done DBT and I can see how some of the tools really apply to the content here。 As someone who has been in deep in the world of toxic positivity in the past， this book is a breath of fresh air。 I've done DBT and I can see how some of the tools really apply to the content here。 。。。more
Bookworm
，
Ever interact with people in your life who are always smiling， always happy， never down and don't seem to process "negative" stuff？ "Look on the bright side，" they say。 "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger，" they say。 In a world that is obsessed with being happy and has trouble processing "negative" issues or emotions， sometimes we encounter the concept of toxic positivity。Goodman gives the reader an overview of what TP can be， how it can manifest， why it is harmful， how to deal with it， ho Ever interact with people in your life who are always smiling， always happy， never down and don't seem to process "negative" stuff？ "Look on the bright side，" they say。 "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger，" they say。 In a world that is obsessed with being happy and has trouble processing "negative" issues or emotions， sometimes we encounter the concept of toxic positivity。Goodman gives the reader an overview of what TP can be， how it can manifest， why it is harmful， how to deal with it， how to process not so positive emotions， etc。 It's okay if you're not happy all the time。 It's okay if you're feeling frustrated。 It's okay to say that this really really sucks and there's nothing good about it。 I found this mostly refreshing。 I won't lie that I've fallen into this trap personally， have used TP to dismiss the feelings of others （either to avoid the negativity or out of a genuine desire to help them feel better）。 But as I've gotten older I've realized sometimes it does not help and trying to push away or reframe situations is genuinely sometimes not the right thing to do。 Some situations， feelings， instances， etc。 need to be examined， felt， fought through mentally/emotionally。 And as Goodman tells reader， that's totally fine。The first few chapters were repetitive for me （I am already familiar with the concept） but I did think that when Goodman talks about certain situations or frames and how one can deal with these situation。 There are questions for self-reflection， personal anecdotes， etc。Overall， I was pleasantly surprised。 Initially I thought this would be a little too "basic" for me， after being reasonably familiar with it， but it was still validating and useful。 Some of the information was definitely not new to me and I would not be surprised if people felt parts of the book wasn't useful。 But it's probably not a bad book for someone who has never really thought about this in any meaningful way and as a "self-help" book I'd say it's probably better than others。 Was this life-changing？ No。 But I do think there should be more works （books， etc。） that address this。 We don't have to be doom and gloom but completely ignoring the pain isn't healthy either。I would say this was not quite right for me but in a different time this would have been an excellent introduction。 I would still recommend it anyway， perhaps as a library borrow。 I would specifically recommend this book if you happen to know of anyone like I described in the first paragraph （the creepily cheerful people who never seem to be down and will dismiss anything remotely not sunshine and rainbows）， and you don't quite know how to deal with them？ This might be a useful read。 It may not tell you how exactly to deal with them （a situation/person-specific thing） but it might help you understand how to deal with them if that's something you need。Library borrow for me and that was best。 Might not be a bad bargain buy if you're looking to read on your own time。 。。。more
Lee Osborne
，
I really enjoyed and appreciated this book。 The relentless tide of banal jollifications， fakeness and bad psychology on social media has annoyed me for years， and evidently it annoys Whitney Goodman too！ This contains some much-needed wisdom and advice for those who feel alienated and left behind by relentless positivity， constant urges to be grateful for things， and stupid statements like "everything happens for a reason"， "you got this"， blah blah blah blah。The author points out that much of p I really enjoyed and appreciated this book。 The relentless tide of banal jollifications， fakeness and bad psychology on social media has annoyed me for years， and evidently it annoys Whitney Goodman too！ This contains some much-needed wisdom and advice for those who feel alienated and left behind by relentless positivity， constant urges to be grateful for things， and stupid statements like "everything happens for a reason"， "you got this"， blah blah blah blah。The author points out that much of positivity culture is a form of gaslighting that tries to force gratitude out of us even when things are going very badly wrong。 I can really relate to this。 I went to a supposedly "good" school， and was constantly told how lucky I was to be there， while enduring endless misery in a brutal culture that didn't suit me at all。 Later on， I was in a church that told me everything was God's plan。。。errr。。。OK。 That really doesn't work。The author points out the particular problems and issues that positivity culture creates for marginalised people， and how "happiness" has been defined in very conventional， white， middle-class "American Dream" type ways that won't work for a lot of people。 She encourages readers to think about how they want to live， and what meaning looks like， and that we should go after an authentic， value-driven life， with all the ups and downs that entails。This book won't work for everyone， but it's very important， and I think anyone struggling under the pressure to smile and say everything is fine when it's not will get valuable things out of this。 It's accessible and concise， and has lots of useful examples and exercises in it。 It made a lot of sense to me， and it deserves to be widely read。 I hope Goodman writes some more books， as she has a lot to say。 I'm glad it's not just me that finds the constant YOU'RE AWESOME！！！！！！！！ crap on social media unbearably cheesy and decidedly unhelpful。 。。。more
Grace Manno
，
This was so good。 Very insightful with actionable suggestions。
Carmen Liffengren
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Life is all about balancing the good with the bad。 Relationships aren't always easy and that riding the waves of life mean finding a way to deal with empathy and boundaries。 This is fascinating research about how unrelenting positivity can diminish and deny what we feel， often making it worse。 In her own practice， Goodman found that many of her patients were trying so hard to put a positive spin on their own unique challenges， but they often found that it made them feel like failures and unsurpr Life is all about balancing the good with the bad。 Relationships aren't always easy and that riding the waves of life mean finding a way to deal with empathy and boundaries。 This is fascinating research about how unrelenting positivity can diminish and deny what we feel， often making it worse。 In her own practice， Goodman found that many of her patients were trying so hard to put a positive spin on their own unique challenges， but they often found that it made them feel like failures and unsurprisingly less positive。 The boldest section of Goodman's book comes nearly at the end when she questions the healthiness of the relentless quest for happiness。 She admits that it sounds counterintuitive， but it often trips us up。 What if we pivoted away from the all-consuming pursuit of happiness and instead focused on finding fulfillment in a values-driven life？ It's a life somewhere in the middle。 If life is all about balancing challenge and reward， what if we didn't always try to eradicate every bad feeling？ What if we accepted everything that makes us human: the good and the bad？ This isn't a manifesto against positivity， but it's more about the understanding of why an all positive approach can often diminish us。 It's the hope of learning how to feel what we feel and to move through things without denying the negative。 This gave me a lot to ponder when I was done reading， but I found that it gave me a different kind of hope that it's okay to contain multitudes beyond just good vibes。 。。。more
felix
，
i would give this 10 stars if i could。 everyone should read this。 immeasurable amounts of good。
Jenn
，
[I received a promotional copy of this book from the publisher without expectation that I post a review。]As a psychologist， I can definitely see myself suggesting this book to clients who want to work on improving their emotional intelligence and/or building empathy in relationships。 Throughout the book， Whitney stays true to the title by exploring the concept of Toxic Positivity in many different domains。 That said， I love she also expands on the concept by teaching readers alternative ways to [I received a promotional copy of this book from the publisher without expectation that I post a review。]As a psychologist， I can definitely see myself suggesting this book to clients who want to work on improving their emotional intelligence and/or building empathy in relationships。 Throughout the book， Whitney stays true to the title by exploring the concept of Toxic Positivity in many different domains。 That said， I love she also expands on the concept by teaching readers alternative ways to show up for themselves and others in relationships， either as step-by-step frameworks or sample phrases that you could use in conversation。 I found her voice to be relatable and honest。 It's clear that she's on your side and in your corner as you work to deepen your self-awareness。 If you like her writings on social media （@SitWithWhit）， then you will probably really like this book， too。 。。。more
Hella
，
Het is wonderlijk hoe sommige boeken op precies het juiste moment onder je aandacht komen。 Bij mij gebeurde het door een tweet met een boekbespreking in het Algemeen Dagblad。Het sloot zo aan bij wat ik een paar weken eerder had meegemaakt: een trauma-trigger waarbij ik niet eens precies begreep waarom mij dat zo triggerde。 Alleen dat het aansloot bij wat invalidation wordt genoemd， een woord waarvoor de Nederlandse vertaler ook geen Nederlands equivalent weet， hij omschrijft het als: "Valide Het is wonderlijk hoe sommige boeken op precies het juiste moment onder je aandacht komen。 Bij mij gebeurde het door een tweet met een boekbespreking in het Algemeen Dagblad。Het sloot zo aan bij wat ik een paar weken eerder had meegemaakt: een trauma-trigger waarbij ik niet eens precies begreep waarom mij dat zo triggerde。 Alleen dat het aansloot bij wat invalidation wordt genoemd， een woord waarvoor de Nederlandse vertaler ook geen Nederlands equivalent weet， hij omschrijft het als: "Valideren is met begrip en compassie erkenning geven aan een ervaring （bijvoorbeeld een emotie） van iemand， zodat die ander zich gezien en erkend voelt […]。"Zelf schreef ik er eerder een blog over。 De meeste mensen denken dat positiviteit alleen maar positief is。 Als je maar blij en dankbaar in het leven staat， komt alles vanzelf goed。 Het ergst wordt dit gedachtengoed aangehangen in kringen van The Secret: je hebt alle nare dingen die je overkomen aan jezelf te wijten， want je hebt ze gelokt met je boze gedachten。 （ook al eens over geschreven， trouwens） Goodman legt heel goed uit wanneer positiviteit giftig wordt。 （Ik heb de Engelse versie gelezen maar er staat een flink inkijkexemplaar van de vertaling bij bol。 Paginanummers verwijzen naar de Engelse uitgave。）Positiviteit wordt giftig als het wordt gebruikt:• in gesprekken waarin iemand uit is op steun， begrip， validering of compassie， en in plaats daarvan op een gemeenplaats wordt onthaald。• om mensen zich te laten schamen als ze het gevoel krijgen niet genoeg te doen， niet hard genoeg te werken， of dat hun lastige emoties niet te rechtvaardigen zijn。• om ervoor te zorgen dat we ons schamen omdat we niet blij of positief genoeg zijn• om onze werkelijkheid te ontkennen。• om iemand met legitieme zorgen of vragen te gaslighten of tot zwijgen te brengen。• om mensen te vertellen dat alles wat verkeerd gaat in hun leven hun eigen schuld is。 （p20）Gezonde positiviteit heeft ruimte voor de realiteit én voor hoop。Giftige positiviteit ontkent een emotie en dwingt ons die te onderdrukken。 De emotie is verkeerd， en als we ons best maar doen， zouden we hem helemaal kunnen uitschakelen。 Giftige positiviteit kapt het gesprek af en zegt in wezen: jouw gevoel klopt niet en hier heb je de reden waarom je wél gelukkig moet zijn。 （p18） De tegenwoordige mode om problemen 'uitdagingen' te noemen is er ook zoeentje。Gedwongen， geforceerde dankbaarheid kan ook zo giftig zijn。 Dat herinner ik me uit mijn jeugd。 Klagen was verboden want ik had een leven als een luus op een zere kop， en vond ik het eten niet lekker？ Denk eens aan het Jongetje uit het Boekje！ Wij hadden vroeger helemaal niks！ En je bent niet boos， je bent moe。Goodman gaat er heel menslievend vanuit dat mensen die reageren met giftige positiviteit het goed bedoelen。 Ik weet niet of dat waar is。 Dat is immers ook zo makkelijk gezegd: ik wou alleen maar helpen！ Maar degene die zich erdoor gekwetst voelt， bedoelt het nooit goed。 Nee， die is zo slecht om aan de goede bedoelingen van de ander te twijfelen。 Naar het waarom van de gekwetstheid wordt niet gevraagd， juist omdat de kwetser het zo goed bedoelde。Als we niet weten wat iemand nodig heeft of niet eens de moeite nemen om daarnaar te vragen， helpen we vaak omdat het voor onszelf goed voelt， niet omdat we echt een probleem willen verhelpen。 （p145）Op Goodmans instagram staat deze quote: When we get so caught up in trying to change how someone is feeling and give the "right" advice， we often forget to listen， we forget to show compassion， we forget to show empathy。Het boek is zoveel meer dan een uitleg van giftige positiviteit， en een handleiding om je er niet schuldig aan te maken。 Het vertelt bijvoorbeeld ook de geschiedenis van de beweging van positief denken zoals die in Amerika tot stand kwam。 （Wie had vroeger niet De Kracht van Positief Denken in de kast staan？ Bij de biep was het ook altijd uitgeleend。 Oh， en google de titel voor de aardigheid eens。 De giftig-positieve websites vliegen je om de oren。）Ik kreeg echt koude rillingen van de volgende passage over eugenetica， vooral in het licht van de huidige pandemie， waarin meer en meer het recht van de gezondste telt， en levens van gehandicapten en chronisch zieken gewoon niet meer meegenomen worden bij overheidsbeleid en maatregelen。 Validisme （ableism in het Engels） viert hoogtij， alles vanuit de "positieve" illusie dat gezondheid maakbaar is， of nog erger: een keuze。Eugenic researchers promised individual and collective happiness through their methods and believed that emotional states other than positivity were bad for evolution。 They ignored the current social， political， and economic challenges in favor of a simplistic view of illness and happiness。 If you didn’t agree with the philosophy or methods， you were deemed "unscientific" and ultimately ignored or cast aside。 The eugenics movement appeared in the United States in the early 1900s， and it was an extremely dark time for people with physical and mental illness or disabilities， who were ultimately blamed for the unhappiness of the entire society。[…]Some psychologists at the time believed that the elimination of "feeble-mindedness" would result in an enormous improvement in happiness and achievement in every community。 Feeble-mindedness was just another name for anyone mentally or physically ill who couldn’t become the current definition of a contributing， productive， happy member of the current society。 This meant locking away， sterilizing， or killing anyone who threatened the happiness of the larger society。 The mentally and physically ill were seen as one of the largest threats to happiness during this period， and many believed something had to be done。 （p164）Wie ziek is， heeft dat aan zichzelf te wijten。 Gezondheid is iets dat je kunt verdienen door er hard aan te werken。 Dit is victim blaming van de bovenste plank。 Gezonde mensen zijn gek op gehandicapten die een bijzondere prestatie leveren （inspiration porn） en op kankerpatiënten die hun ziekte 'verslaan。' Alles om de maakbaarheidsillusie in stand te houden。Ook met betrekking tot politiek neemt Goodman geen blad voor de mond。We can achieve well-being when certain conditions are met and people are given the space and resources to find meaning in their life， meet their needs， and cope with their environment。 Good living conditions， housing， and employment are fundamental to well-being。 Instead of focusing on positive thinking as a cure for illness， we would benefit from providing access to a livable wage， housing， safe communities， meaningful relationships， food security， and healthcare。 Then， we can focus on improving our thinking。 Health doesn’t begin and end in the mind。 It exists within our communities and truly flourishes when people feel empowered and equipped to achieve their unique version of health。 （p55）Getting angry and expressing dissatisfaction is often one of the most effective ways to create change within a society。 Positive platitudes and the pursuit of happiness are ultimately being used as tools to keep people submissive and quiet。 （p170）Tot slot deze， voor iedereen die zich weleens schuldig maakt aan giftige positiviteit:Yes， people want to know that things will get better。And they really want to know that you'll still be there even if they don't。（De mensen die afhaken zijn inmiddels niet meer op twee handen te tellen。） 。。。more
Kate Hyde
，
This book is AMAZING。 It’s not just about toxic positivity （although thank goodness someone wrote a book about it， because it is so pervasive right now）。 It also gives lots of real-world advice on how to cope with stress， anxiety， and depression。 The most helpful advice for me was that we aren’t supposed to be happy all the time （shouldn’t I have known that already？）！ Chapter 8: Discrimination With a Smile， should be required reading for all humans - especially those humans who espouse the Law o This book is AMAZING。 It’s not just about toxic positivity （although thank goodness someone wrote a book about it， because it is so pervasive right now）。 It also gives lots of real-world advice on how to cope with stress， anxiety， and depression。 The most helpful advice for me was that we aren’t supposed to be happy all the time （shouldn’t I have known that already？）！ Chapter 8: Discrimination With a Smile， should be required reading for all humans - especially those humans who espouse the Law of Attraction and other similar “you create your own reality” beliefs。Highly recommended！ 。。。more
Hannah Murrell
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Whew。 This one will make you THINK。 Listened on audio and I feel like I just gout out of a 5 hour therapy session。 :'） Whew。 This one will make you THINK。 Listened on audio and I feel like I just gout out of a 5 hour therapy session。 :'） 。。。more
Kristen
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ALL THE STARS。 So good and needed。 I finally feel some validation for thoughts I’ve had for a very long time but always felt “too negative” for thinking them。 Phew。 It’s not just me。
Danielle
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This book was pretty good！ Will I retain any of this a month from now？ Probably not。I think this book could be useful for those who do not have access to therapy。 Most of what was said in this book I've already been over in therapy sessions， and that was personalized to me and my own struggles。 This book was just a more generalized version of that。Regardless of the very good information in this book， it's still a self-help book at the end of the day and should not be used as a placeholder for re This book was pretty good！ Will I retain any of this a month from now？ Probably not。I think this book could be useful for those who do not have access to therapy。 Most of what was said in this book I've already been over in therapy sessions， and that was personalized to me and my own struggles。 This book was just a more generalized version of that。Regardless of the very good information in this book， it's still a self-help book at the end of the day and should not be used as a placeholder for real therapy。 。。。more
Jess
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This book is insightful for recognizing toxic positivity in oneself and others。 It provides helpful lists of action items to redirect from toxic positivity to ways to empathize and connect for more meaningful relationships， and the author strikes a balance between acknowledging the tough parts of an experience and also pushing oneself to find fulfillment。 Goodman effectively uses examples and scenarios from real clients to underscore her points， and also addresses how different people groups are This book is insightful for recognizing toxic positivity in oneself and others。 It provides helpful lists of action items to redirect from toxic positivity to ways to empathize and connect for more meaningful relationships， and the author strikes a balance between acknowledging the tough parts of an experience and also pushing oneself to find fulfillment。 Goodman effectively uses examples and scenarios from real clients to underscore her points， and also addresses how different people groups are particularly harmed by toxic positivity on a macro level。 。。。more
Asha
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Toxic Positivity is a self-help / personal development nonfiction book that explores themes of happiness， authenticity， connection， and relationships。 It’s interesting that she brings up in the beginning that we’re always told to stay positive and to push out the negative stuff， but then why do we see so many people who are burned out and anxious？ I really liked how the author explained what toxic positivity is， the history behind it， how to identify it， and how to change behaviors within oursel Toxic Positivity is a self-help / personal development nonfiction book that explores themes of happiness， authenticity， connection， and relationships。 It’s interesting that she brings up in the beginning that we’re always told to stay positive and to push out the negative stuff， but then why do we see so many people who are burned out and anxious？ I really liked how the author explained what toxic positivity is， the history behind it， how to identify it， and how to change behaviors within ourselves and when interacting around others so we can bring out our most authentic selves。 The only part I didn’t like was some of the repetition， however， I did like the topics she discussed especially her chapters on when positivity doesn’t help， how to complain effectively， and how to support someone。 There were so many tidbits of wisdom and advice that I ended up tabbing/highlighting in the book。 I originally started off listening to the audiobook which the author narrates herself which is great， but if you really want to absorb the material， I highly recommend getting a physical copy。 I highly recommend picking this one up as it’s very relevant to our society today。Thank you to the publisher for the free finished copy & PRH Audio for the audiobook copy。 。。。more
Chelsea | thrillerbookbabe
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Thank you to Penguin Random House for my ALC of this book。 I am so happy I listened to it， because it was easy to get through and kept my attention！ This book was a book club choice and I was very excited because it is a topic I've been interested in。 It’s about the everyday pressure to be positive in every situation。 If you aren’t positive， we are told you won’t be happy and aren’t “doing your part”。 Even when we face tough challenges such as illness and loss， there isn’t space for us to be hon Thank you to Penguin Random House for my ALC of this book。 I am so happy I listened to it， because it was easy to get through and kept my attention！ This book was a book club choice and I was very excited because it is a topic I've been interested in。 It’s about the everyday pressure to be positive in every situation。 If you aren’t positive， we are told you won’t be happy and aren’t “doing your part”。 Even when we face tough challenges such as illness and loss， there isn’t space for us to be honest， and we are told to put on a positive face。 This book is written by a therapist and shares better ways to deal with difficult emotions and situations。Thoughts: I love the idea of this book。 I think it’s so important to realize that positivity can be toxic and contribute to depression and anxiety。 Telling someone to just be positive is not helpful and can actually be very harmful。 I got my MA in Counseling， and this information is super important in both counseling and life。 I did feel that it was a bit repetitive， and once the author finished a concept she kept talking about it a bit too much。I think this is an important book for everyone to read。 This is something that can help everyone relate to other people and be helpful to others where they’re at。 This idea is covered well here and the author did a great job of explaining the topic logically。 While negativity isn’t good， sometimes neither is too much positivity。 4-stars。 。。。more
Victoria Skinner
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Goodman is insightful， honest， and real。 This is a must read for anyone who is supporting others through tough times or who has been through tough times themselves。 It has completely changed the way I plan to support my loved ones moving forward。 Can't recommend it enough。 Goodman is insightful， honest， and real。 This is a must read for anyone who is supporting others through tough times or who has been through tough times themselves。 It has completely changed the way I plan to support my loved ones moving forward。 Can't recommend it enough。 。。。more
Keshav Bhatt
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I'm a massive fan of Whitney's work。 It's taught me a lot and emboldened my thinking in so many ways over the last few years。 This book is refreshing， honest and absolutely necessary 👏🏽。 I see it as the antidote to the banal bleating group think we all encounter on our social media feeds。 I'm so pleased to finally hear someone with a large influence/following in the self help space bring conversations about class， race， gender etc into the dialogue of what makes for healthy mental wellbeing。 I'v I'm a massive fan of Whitney's work。 It's taught me a lot and emboldened my thinking in so many ways over the last few years。 This book is refreshing， honest and absolutely necessary 👏🏽。 I see it as the antidote to the banal bleating group think we all encounter on our social media feeds。 I'm so pleased to finally hear someone with a large influence/following in the self help space bring conversations about class， race， gender etc into the dialogue of what makes for healthy mental wellbeing。 I've grown so tired and weary of hearing people with privilege fail to acknowledge how our privilege plays a role in our ability to be fulfilled and successful in life。This book charts the rise and impact of toxic positivity throughout the arenas of our lives。 It helps us navigate our world in a more flexible and compassionate way that gives room for more honesty。 Things aren't always positive and that's okay。 Equally we need balance， not just validation， but responsibility too。I'd definitely say this is a must read and a book I will share with as many as I can。 Not giving a total 5 star as I just left feeling that I wanted a bit more substance， but maybe that's because having lived with her words for years， it's become familiar to me。 Or maybe it's because some parts could have been edited a little better for more brevity。 Either way， thank you for this great book and sharing so many much needed ideas into this space。 Highly recommend and I hope to see more people sharing these ideas。Key lessons- "People who practice the Law of Attraction， or other types of positive thinking and manifesting， propose they've cracked the code to the universe。 They know exactly what we need to do， step by step， to get what we want。 No questions asked。 If we don't get what we want， it's because we didn't do it correctly or didn't try hard enough。。。 [they suggest] with the right attitude and abundance of positivity， we will have control over our lives" - "As young children develop， their emotional experiences literally become part of the finer of their brains。。。 [they] begin assessing how their caregivers manager their own moods and how those moods predict behaviour。 They become skilled at assessing the emotional landscape of their home。。。 this is a tool for survival。。。 In many homes where certain emotions are discouraged or shamed， positivity often becomes the default and encouraged emotional response"。 - "Having a positive attitude is also routinely celebrated and rewarded in society。。。 We hear tons of stories about people who have made the best out of "so little"//"inspiration porn"//"a model minority member" in an attempt to erase the negative image of racism/sexism/classism etc" - "Being human means making space for the positive， negative & everything in between" - "There's a discourse in healthcare and wellness that seems to argue that if you eat all the right foods， exercise， think positively， meditate， and drink enough water， you will never get ill。。。 it's a version of wellness that only applies to the privileged and able-bodied， and it places the onus of responsibility completely on the individual。。。 positive thinking is an asset in managing disease， but it is not a cure"- "The way we talk about illness is also loaded with toxic positivity。 With diseases like cancer， you're "fighting" the disease。 If you "beat" the disease， you're a hero。 If someone "loses" the "battle" whit an illness， it's implied that they simply didn't try hard enough。"- "Instead of focusing on positive thinking as a cure for illness， we would benefit from providing access to a liveable wage， housing， safe communities， meaningful relationships， food security and healthcare。 Then， we can focus on improving our thinking。 Health doesn't begin and end in the mind。"- "Today many popular preachers are positive thinkers who offer the promise of wealth， success and health through their teachings。。。if we just demonstrate our faith a little bit more， everything will be ours for the taking。。。 modern spirituality has also been taken over by consumer capitalism and positive thinking。。。 often known as "spiritual bypassing" - using spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal， emotional 'unfinished business'， to shore up a shaky sense of self"- "A common theme that I see in therapy - the "just world bias" - a cognitive bias that implies a person's actions will lead to morally fair and fitting consequences。 It is the assumption that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people。 Believing in this gives us an illusion of control over life and often lets us justify inexplicable events。" 。。。more
Justin Hall
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Thanks to PRHAudio for this complimentary audiobook！ This book is a great companion to the Boundary setting book I read last year。 Ridding yourself of constant positivity seems incredibly underrated。 I'm here for it。 As a person who has struggled with depression and been told to "just be positive" or "things all work out in the end"。I get how those innocently spoken words can actually be damaging。 This book is particularly important in this political climate。 I think a lot of people don't realiz Thanks to PRHAudio for this complimentary audiobook！ This book is a great companion to the Boundary setting book I read last year。 Ridding yourself of constant positivity seems incredibly underrated。 I'm here for it。 As a person who has struggled with depression and been told to "just be positive" or "things all work out in the end"。I get how those innocently spoken words can actually be damaging。 This book is particularly important in this political climate。 I think a lot of people don't realize what just "being positive" and making the best of situations is doing negatively to the marginalized and underprivileged。 More books for people who mostly likely won't read them to read :/ 。。。more
Quincy Hernandez
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